Girl Talk

I went kayaking today with my girlfriends, Moment and Lovelace. Those are nicknames, assigned today. Moment teaches me with her enthusiasm for "now" how to relax into the mood of the moment, whether it is one filled with quiet appreciation for silence or one that is hilariously noisy. There is only a very little innuendo in Lovelace's nickname. She loves, and is a quiet force of affirmation and acceptance. And she's pretty, and frilly, and lacey. After regretfully declining several invitations earlier this year, I took time away from garden and books today -- one of the last of the best of fall -- and it was worth every minute.

There is firstly, the gift of time. Selfish time, girl talk time, outdoors-not-working time, sunny but not too hot time, gentle exercise time, making relationships deeper and stronger time. Secondly, there was the forced acknowledgment of NOW: no way to make the river go any faster. I do not give up control easily. It is good for me to do that once in a while. Thirdly, there was the sugary frosting of empathy and sympathy. I spend energy, I think, in not whining, in not asking for help, in what I call acceptance of The Is, but what is really (thank you, Kathleen Norris) resignation, acquiesence, denial. It was a treat to hear "Oh, poor you!" and "Me, too!" Girls talk in mid-life about the same things they talked about when they were teens. We floated and snacked, and smoked cigars, while wearing sombreros.

I made a list earlier this summer of the things that gave to me some sort of energy. I love my garden, all the various bits of it. I cherish my books, the old favorites and the new discoveries. I really love my work: I feel valuable and valued, as well as challenged. I am looking forward to figuring out how to make pickles, sew a quilt, write the novel, weld a lawn ornament, and become part of the Sizzling Seniors. I assert that I recognize the importance of relationships, but I realized in reviewing the list that I do not give them the same importance as gardening, reading, and working. Not sibling ones. Not girl ones. Not even sex, and not even my bestest friend forever (aka BFF). I'm not sure that I take those people for granted -- nay, I think of them almost every day, and treasure the time gift-shopping, and react to emails or news stories with both my reaction and imagining their reactions. It's just that I don't take from those relationships the same breath or vitamins that I find alone, doing my favorite things. I'm not sure how to fix that, but I think I need to.

Here's a reminder: http://wimp.com/sweetinspiration. Let me always taste the coffee. That is the nectar of the gods, life's blood, the essence of living. It is the juice, baby.